Tacos of DOOM
by Ice-Song
Summary: Gir annoys Zim because he wants a taco. Zim invents a device to take over the world that doesn't work and everyone learns a little something about what emotions are. Even if Zim denies it. Repeatedly. Even if Zim's love isn't found, there's the taco.


"Common mastah!" Gir's high pitched voice grated against Zim's non-existent ears. Gir watched as Zim's antennae twitched irritably and resumed his begging. "Pleeeaaaaaassssseeeee?" he asked, drawing out the word. 

The longer the word was said, the lower Zim's antennae fell towards his head until they were pressed flat against his skull in agitation. "Gir," he said in an almost too calm voice.

"Please, please, please, please, please!" Gir started to bounce around the room to his mantra. He bounced around the couch, continuing to say 'please' as many times as it took to get his way.

"Gir," Zim said again, in his eerily calm voice.

Gir now began to roll on the plush carpet, back and forth across the floor on front of Zim. "Please, please, please!" he yelled in his annoying voice.

Zim took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He relaxed enough that his antennae raised a little as he prepared what he was going to say next. "GIR!" he yelled loudly.

Gir sat up and grabbed his feet, looking at Zim with a blank expression. After staring at Zim for a few long seconds he grinned. "Yeeeeessss?" he asked in a long, drawn out way.

"We are not getting tacos," Zim growled. "We are not getting sweets, we are not getting soda. We are not going to get anything AS LONG AS YOU CONTINUE TO ANNOY ME!" he screamed, his antennae standing straight up and his tongue waggling comically in his mouth as he screamed at his hapless robot.

Gir giggled and smiled. "Please?" he asked.

"I hate you," Zim hissed malevolently. "I really do."

"Awww, but mastah, I wanna get a taco. I cannot liiiiive without the taco," Gir told Zim matter of factly. He flipped over onto his head and looked at Zim upside down. "I wants the taco, and the candy. Candy is good."

"Candy corrupts your system with an over stimulus of… stuff and makes you even more annoying," Zim pointed out. "What on Irk would make me give you something I know would make you even less tolerable."

Gir flipped back over and grinned. "Because you loooove me," he giggled. "And the taco."

Zim narrowed his large red eyes in an annoyed way. "No Gir. I do not love you and I do not love the taco. I do not love anything. I am an Irken. A SUPERIOR and INCREDIBLY AWESOME Irken and because I am so INCREDIBLE I have no need of such inferior things as emotions. I. Do. Not. Love." Zim crossed his arms after his rant and raised a non-existent eyebrow. "Understand?"

Gir pondered this. "Nuh-uh," he said matter of factly, as if he had understood what Zim said but chose not to.

Zim slapped himself on the face and growled. "Gir, I am not capable of love. And what about you, you're a robot!" he said suddenly, holding out his arms in an exaggerated manner to motion to Gir. "You're chips and data, it's not like you can feel PITIFUL emotions."

Gir smiled, his large cyan eyes looking at Zim. "Aw, but everyone knowses how to loooove," he said annoyingly. "I love the T.V. and the shows and I love the Minimoose and I love you, mastah."

Zim sighed and gazed at Gir with what looked like pity in his eyes. "Gir, you're a robot," he told his inept servant.

"So?" Gir asked.

"You shouldn't even be able to feel emotion. You don't have the programming or means for it," Zim pointed out and crossed his arms again.

"So?" Gir asked again. "I can. I knoooooow," he giggled. "And I wants the taco."

Zim's eye twitched. "Your sheer lack of logic amazes me Gir."

"Mastah is silleh!" Gir laughed and stood up. "TACO!" he yelled suddenly.

"I said no," Zim growled.

"TACO!" Gir yelled again, raising his hands in the air and looking at the ceiling. "CEILING GET ME A TACO!" he told it.

"No Gir," Zim told him. "No taco."

"BUT I WANTS A TACO!" Gir wailed. "TACCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" His wailing continued on the 'o' sound and went on and on continuously.

Zim rolled his eyes. "I can out last you Gir. We're not getting a taco," he told his still wailing robot and walked calmly out of the room.

Four days later, Gir was still wailing as loudly as he could, stuck on the perpetual 'o' of the taco. Even worse, he had taken to following Zim around as he tried to do his work. After day two, he began to fluxuate the sound to make it even more annoying. "OOOOOoooOOOOoooOOOOoooOOOooooOOOooo…" he yelled, continuously.

Zim ground his teeth and his antennae stayed pressed against his head in irritation as he attempted to work. Minimoose came out on day four and squeaked to Zim who glared at him. "I don't care if you're annoyed. I am NOT getting a TACO for him. Understand?"

Minimoose turned over in mid air once, then squeaked again.

"Yes I think it's annoying, but I ZIM!" he yelled and took a deep breath. "Am not loosing in a battle of endurance to him. I have endured 6 months of his DOOM SONG in the confines of space and six months of his CONTROL of my house. I can take it."

Minimoose blinked once, slowly as Gir's voice continued to sound. He squeaked again.

"Again, I don't care if you're annoyed," Zim told his other servant as he continued on working on whatever was in front of him. "I must finish this doomy, doom, doom… er… doom device before Dib-stink-face gets suspicious."

Minimoose squeaked again.

"What does it do?" Zim asked. "Well, I press this button and the matter absorber inside absorbs all the WATER on this FILTHY DIRT planet. Then all the humans will be at my mercy and I the ALMIGHTY ZIM will no longer have to worry about getting wet or bathing in paste. See?" he asked.

Minimoose flew over and looked over Zim's shoulder. He peered at the device in Zim's hands and looked at Zim. He squeaked.

"Well of course it works!" Zim said, looking scandalized. "GIR WILL YOU SHUT UP!" he screeched but Gir's continuous voice sounded. Zim glared at the robot before turning back to Minimoose. "All I have to do is work the settings to absorb the horrid WATER that seems so abundant on this miserable DIRT BALL and press the red button."

Minimoose squeaked once again in reply to Zim's rant.

"The button is ALWAYS red, Minimoose," Zim said exasperatedly. "Always."

Minimoose squeaked twice and rolled over so that it could gaze at his master's device upside down.

"Fine, skeptic. I'll show you right here the AWESOME AWESOMENESS….NESS that is MY invention," Zim told him. Zim walked calmly out the door with Gir following him, still on his one note symphony. Minimoose watched as the elevator went up and Gir's voice faded away until it could barely be heard. Two minutes later Gir's voice got louder and the elevator doors opened. Zim walked back calmly and held a glass of water between a pair of tongs and arms length away from himself. "Observe," he told Minimoose.

He set the glass next to the device and pressed the red button. The machine began to light up and glow. It whirred very fast and rose up in the air, flashing in many different colors. Zim grinned maniacally and clapped his hands in some sort of glee as his machine glowed a bright red and… did absolutely nothing.

Zim's eyes widened as something inside popped and it fell back to the counter. He stared at it and after a minute or two poked it. A small piece of the machine fell off and dark green smoke came billowing out. Minimoose squeaked sadly and Zim shrugged. "Ah well," he sighed.

"OOOOOoooooOOOOOOooooOOOOOoooo," Gir continued.

Zim walked to the other side of his lab and donned his pathetic disguise. "Gir shut up and get into your doggy ruse. We're going out."

"Taco?" Gir asked.

Zim shrugged. "Yeah, sure, whatever."

"YEY!" Gir screamed and ran into the elevator.

Minimoose squeaked and Zim snorted. "I'll make it work," he told Minimoose. "But right now I want some quiet. Same goes for you too," he told the purple moose sternly.

Minimoose squeaked and floated after Zim. "Computer, take me to the top floor," Zim ordered.

* * *

Zim opened a bad of freshly bought tacos and pulled one out. He glared at Gir who was starting at it with hunger in his eyes. "I will give you this almighty taco-y taco if you promise me one thing," Zim growled. 

"Yeup," Gir nodded.

"I haven't even said what it is yet," Zim told the green dog with a sigh.

"Yeup," Gir said again, nodding some more. His eyes never wandered from the taco.

Zim sighed. "You know what, forget it," he growled and thrust the taco at Gir. "Here."

"Thank you mastah!" Gir said and leaned against Zim as he downed his taco.

Zim poked Gir. "No Gir, none of that… doggy affection stuff…" he said as he tried to get Gir away from him.

Minimoose squeaked and Zim turned towards him. "What?" Minimoose squeaked again and Zim shrugged. "Whatever," he said and pulled out another taco. He held it up and Minimoose floated over and began to eat the taco out of Zim's outstretched hand. "I have got to get you a better way of grabbing stuff," Zim told him.

Minimoose squeaked in agreement and continued to eat his treat.

Gir finished off his taco and reached over Zim to grab the last one. He downed it in a few seconds then resumed his leaning against Zim. "See mastah, everyone can love."

"You're a robot Gir," Zim said flatly.

"Yeup," Gir said proudly. "I'm a mongoose dog."

"That's not what I…" Zim blinked then shrugged. "Never mind. Yes Gir, you are a mongoose dog."

"Yey," Gir said happily.

* * *

Okay, my first attempt at Invader Zim fanfiction. Hee... this was amazingly fun to write even if it probably does suck. I've never actually written anything like this before and trying to make it somewhat serious while keeping the quirks that make the show awesome was hella difficult. Anyways, hope you enjoyed the story regardless. 


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